10:58 PM

Time for a heart-to-heart! As college application due dates are looming right ahead, I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks. This might end up being a very long-winded post that's going to tear deep into my cluttered brain. But I mean, that's what personal blogs are for, right? I guess... you'll learn a lot more about what kind of person I am.

I'm a girl of many goals and dreams, some of which tend to be very idealistic. I take the Myers-Briggs personality analysis quite seriously; I'm an INFP. I look for the good in people—I favor peaceful relationships and helping others. I'm an introvert. I enjoy my alone time, tend to stay quiet about personal things, and like spending time with the few people whom I value the most. I'm a person who puts others' emotions and feelings before mine. I'm a listener, and I'm very fascinated by how our minds work. I'm creative, and extremely passionate about whatever I do.

However, this is where the problem surfaces. I have absolutely no idea what career path I want to take. It's not that I don't like to do anything—it's that I like so many things. I've always had an interest in art, fashion, and photography. I've dreamed of becoming a film director or an editor of a fashion magazine. For a long time, I dreamed of opening my own little café. I'm also a math nerd; I love my calculus classes, and I've enjoyed physics as well. I'm considering the computer science path, because I've taught myself some coding language and I find it fun. But, I also love teaching. I've volunteered at a local Korean school for many years, teaching elementary school kids the basics of the Korean language. When I trekked to Korea over the summer, I taught English to high school students and fully enjoyed that experience.

On top of all of these, I'm very intrigued by psychology. I loved my AP psychology class last year (despite the fact that I had a witch of a lady for a teacher, whom I have deemed a complete psycho herself). I recently watched a TV show where the main character was a psychiatrist. Of course, it was a very dramaticized and romanticized program—but it was inspiring. I'm reading One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest in my English class right now, and I can't put it down. This is an area that matches my personality type very well, too. Although it is definitely a job that's going to be harsh on me emotionally, I think becoming a psychiatrist would be so rewarding. Every day is going to be an adventure. Above pay, above stability, above every other aspect of a job, satisfaction is the most important factor for me.

So, what does this all come down to for me at the moment?

Colleges. Majors. Decisions.

I've worked diligently during my high school years. I'm still going strong with six AP classes under my belt senior year. I'm not going to lie—I'm pretty proud of where I am regarding grades and test scores and whatnot. I've encountered multiple failures, but I've fixed and learned from these mistakes. I want to apply to top schools in the country, because I've worked so hard up until now to do so. I have a dream school that I have been striving for since sophomore year.

I invested so much time these past months, researching aspects of schools that are the most significant to me. For one thing, I long to head to the East. I want to attend a school in an urban area; a large city, where there will be many opportunities and where I can have a whole new life experience (icy cold weather, come at me). I've grown up in the suburbs of southern California these past seventeen years. It's time for a change.

In college, I want to do things that I never got the chance to try before. I want to perform. I want to create. I want to build.

My idealistic way of looking at the world... my dreams, my goals, my wants—they don't just stop at careers and college.

I want to travel. Sometimes, I wish I could have a job that will require me to travel to different countries. I want to visit Japan to see the sakura trees; France, to see the lavender fields; the Maldives, for the magnificently blue waters; Santorini, for the picture perfect views; Machu Picchu, for its rich history and breathtaking landscape; Switzerland, because Heidi; Australia, because koalas.

In the future, I hope to help people with my own two hands. I've thought of joining the Peace Corps. All throughout high school, I've been an avid member of our school's UNICEF club. This year, I took an enormous step further and now I'm a member of the United Nations Children's Fund on a national level. Its mission is the reason why I first joined: to save children's lives. 18,000 children die every single day in this world of preventable causes. Every single action we take to pull that number down to zero makes a difference. When I'm older, working in the field for UNICEF would be such a worthwhile experience.

I can see myself as that so-called "career woman" for the majority of my 20's. I want to live in my own flat at one point, in a metropolis like New York City, San Francisco, or even Seoul. When I graduated elementary school, I remember announcing at our promotion ceremony that I wanted to be an interior designer. I'm going to design and decorate all of my future homes. From the walls to the furniture... I'm already excited.

If I have children, I already know what I want to potentially name my future kids. For a boy, Felix, Flynn, Jayke, or Landon. For a girl, Hazel, Heather, Jeanette, Josephine, Julianna, or Seraphina.
Yeah, I'm cheesy like that.

For those of you who have been following me for a while, you know that I've often talked about a certain person. I've liked him for a darn long time. He's definitely far from the "ideal", "perfect" guy girls usually dream of. But, he's got what I really look for. We've had our ups and downs. It's confusing—but then again, I overthink a lot. I'm idealistic in this idiotic way where I wish we could go to the same college, as he's a hard-working student, too. We both haven't been in serious relationships (as far as I know), probably because of the same reason: no time. I'm aware that I've got a whole new world ahead of me; what's the point of all this fuss? But at the moment, it's kind of difficult for me to think outside of this tight-knit community I've been living in all my life. So, for the time being, I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed. When this brutal semester ends, I want to halt this roller coaster and figure out what exactly is going on between us. Who knows?

Now, for some random dreams.

I want a cartilage piercing and a third lobe piercing on my left ear, and two auricle piercings on my right. Why? I don't know, why not?
I want to bleach my hair as light as possible at least once in my life—maybe dye the ends lavender at one point, too.
I want to go to a music festival and dance the life out of myself.
I want to go skydiving and bungee jumping.
I want a light blue Volkswagen Beetle or a white Mini Cooper.
I think you can see where this is going.

That's a wrap! What a mouthful. I hope, through this post, you've gotten to know me a little more. Yes, I'm kind of a mess at the moment. But don't worry, I do love myself (not in a conceited sort of way). Alrighty, on to finishing these application essays.


P.S. How do you like the new blog design? Changed it up quite a bit.

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  1. Firs toff I got to say that I love your blog design. But moving forward it's even kind of creepy how much I can relate to this post about choosing the career path. I feel like there's just way too many things I want to pursue and I have no idea how I'm going to pick one. I wish you the very best in making the best decision for yourself!

    Evelin Kivi blog

    1. Thanks girl <3
      I wish you the best of luck too, Evelin! Good to know that I'm not the only one facing this dilemma. Let's keep our heads up!

  2. Chaereen, I loved reading this post (and all your other posts) because it's very relevant to me and I'm sure to many others as well. I also want to let you know that you're not alone when it comes to feeling obligated to know/choose a career path. It's okay not to know for now, I mean after all, who expects a 17-year-old girl to know exactly what she wants to do for the rest of her life? That's insane. I'm going through a similar problem, where I'm not sure if I'm studying the right major for me. I think you'll find out that once in college, majority of people tend to change their majors. Besides, life is an on-going discovery and I think you'll have a bright future ahead of you and whatever you decide to do, you'll be more than great at it. My tips for you when applying to college: aim high, be open-minded and don't sell yourself short. Best wishes!


    1. Haha that's my exact question! I can't exactly trust my seventeen-year-old self to make probably one of the most important decisions of my life. Hmm, I've heard a lot about that, how nearly 80% of college freshmen change their majors once they enter school. That's pretty crazy, but at the same time, pretty normal and expected I guess. Thanks so much for the encouraging words, Vivian! Hoping for the best for you as well xx

  3. Chaereen, most people assume I'm about 20 years old because of how I look but I'm actually 27! So I actually read your whole entire post and it reminded me a lot of myself at your age, being so lost and confused. Actually, I would say from about 17-23 were pretty tumultuous me, but it's all a part of growing up and something everyone has to go through. I would say that for everything except for career, things will pretty much fall into place on their own, so you're right to focus on that! Definitely be proactive and do everything you can until you figure out what you want! The early bird really gets the worm in this respect. I'm still pretty conflicted about what I want out of a career and it feels much harder now that I'm older.

    In terms of the boys you like, what you find attractive in a person, those will change a lot as you get older so I wouldn't worry too much about it and definite don't plan your choice of college around another person! Always do what's best for you! 95% of my friends who were too invested in their teenage relationships regret it, trust me on this! I never had a boyfriend until I was 20 and I'm glad I waited.

    I think it's definitely a good idea to get things out into the open when your schedule frees up a bit though because it's pretty silly when two like each other but are both too shy or busy to do anything about it and you never know how it will turn out. Ultimately you have nothing to lose in that respect and even if it doesn't work out, you can rest easy knowing that it wasn't because you let the opportunity pass you.

    Just my two cents! Oh and I believe the Peace Corps is a minimum 27 month commitment. I used to always want to do something abroad too when I was your age and I was set to go to Korea for a year after I graduated from college, but then realized that I did not want to miss out on the lives of my nephews and niece. I ended up staying and that worked out because shortly after I met the love of my life =)

    xx freshfizzle

    1. Oh my gosh you really do look a lot younger! Hahaha so jelly ~
      Thank you so much for your input. It really does make me feel a whole lot better knowing that I'm not alone in this. Haha, my dream school + what I want to do with my life are most definitely in front of everything else. I haven't really put much thought into boys up until now to be completely honest, I think I'm just panicking slightly because I've always fantasized about prom ~ ^_^ Yeah, better to know that I tried and failed rather than not having said anything at all. Grateful for your advice, keeping it all in mind.

      And oh whoops, should've done more research! 27 months... wow, that's a lot longer. I think it's still something that I'm going to consider though. :) Aw, so happy for you and how everything worked out well!

  4. I loved this post so much! I felt the exact same way when I had to choose my University and it was such a hard decision that I've made quite a mistake the first time. I don't know if I'm actually studying what I want because I, just like you, like so many things and it's impossible to choose among them.
    Also, my dreams about children are exactly like yours - the oldest son and two younger daughters. Ha ha!
    I really wish you best of luck and I think you will be a very successful lady!

    Miglė x | Meet Me On The Balcony

    1. Thanks for sharing! :) And hahaha, what a coincidence ~
      I'm really grateful, best of luck to you as well. xx

  5. One thing: I FEEL YOU. We have the exact same thoughts. You seem like a really smart and lovely girl and I hope you get to decide your career path soon. <3 love your photos and blog! x


  6. Keep your chin up and look for inspiration everywhere - enjoy every moment of life while you can and trust that whatever happens will lead to great things down the road!



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